52 Churches: The grieving church

Last weekend I co-lead worship with my good buddy David at New Hope Ministries. By far, it was the smallest congregation I have ever seen, but I found it very refreshing. I grew up in a church of about 300-500, and I've been a member of a mega-church since the 5th grade. Everyone knew everyone at New Hope Ministries. You can definitely lose that feeling of closeness in larger churches, which is probably why they emphasize small groups the way they do, but I digress. This is not was impressed me most about New Hope Ministries.

The church had hosted a family movie night the night before I visited. One of their members left early after he started to feel sick. Well, he ended up being hospitalized, and tragically passed away a short time later. On Sunday morning, the pastor had to break the news to his congregation.

It was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

Naturally the tears started to flow. Some people bowed their heads, overcome by the news. Others were shaking their heads in disbelief. I watched from a distance and began to feel my own heart begin to break for them. They had just seen their brother only hours ago, and now he was taken up to be with the Lord in Paradise.

They called it a "Graduation".

What happened next really impressed me. The pastor cast aside the sermon he had prepared for the day and had a dialogue with his congregation. First he asked them what they were experiencing. The answers varied but were normal considering the circumstances. Anger. Confusion. Shock. Sadness. Disbelief. One of the women even said, "It's just not fair!" After their feelings were out in the open, the pastor then talked about what to do and what not to do when handling grief. Everything he said reminded me of what I learned in my Grief & Crisis Counseling course in college two semesters ago.

Lastly, mustering all of the seriousness and authority he could, he said, "We need to come up with an action plan." Then right on the spot everyone began formulating a plan to help the family of their graduated brother. His fiancee is currently sick with cancer and is scheduled to undergo surgery soon.

Everyone in the congregation was ready to help in some way. I knew I had to do something, so I asked if I could lead one more song. They graciously allowed me to do so. Here I was, a stranger to this church, standing on the stage with just a guitar, a microphone, and on the verge of tears. I didn't know what exactly I was supposed to do, I just knew that I had to do something. "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan was the first song to come to mind. It's amazing to me how many people don't actually know the background story to this song. I shared the story with the congregation. While most people think it was written in a time of abundance and overflowing joy, it was actually written out of grief. McMillan sat down and wrote it days after his best friend died in a car accident. Basically the song is an angry cry to God, but it still recognizes the fact that even when our hearts are broken, God is still deserving of our worship.

Maybe you can see it in the lyrics:

__________

"He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these
Afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

So we are His portion
And He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So Heaven meets Earth
Like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently
Inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

__________

It was beautiful to see this grieving church family manage to lift their hands in worship to the Lord, even in the midst of their anger and confusion. I hope I can return to New Hope Ministries soon, hopefully to celebrate with them rather than grieve.

Before I close out this post, I wanted to offer some practical advice about what to do and what not to do when someone you know is grieving.

What to say/do:

• "I am sorry for your loss."
• Share a memory of their loved one.
• "I don't know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way that I can."
• Recognize and acknowledge the severity of the loss.
• Sometimes it's good to say nothing. Just being there is enough.
• Deliver meals and offer to help with any household chores or grocery shopping. Friends and family are good at doing this for the first couple of weeks but they are still going to need help months down the road.
• Let them be angry or upset. It's okay to shake our fists at God and the world sometimes. 

What not to say/do:

• "Everything happens for a reason." This might be true, but they probably don't need or want that reminder.
• "I know how you feel." No, you don't.
• "Be strong." This puts necessary pressure on them.
• Do not put a timeline on their grief. Everyone grieves differently. They will probably be grieving to some extent for the rest of their lives.

To say the least, I was very impressed and inspired by this church. It is truly unfortunate that they have to go through this difficult time together, but I am fully confident that the Lord will see them through.

"Lazarus"

I've been sampling a lot of music lately. One of my good friends suggested that I listen to Bellarive. I had never heard of them before, and now I can't stop listening. Bellarive has a new album dropping on 7/22 but have already released a song called "Lazarus". This is the one in particular that I just have not been able to stop listening to.

"Out of breath, a permanent condition
Taken by the night
This bone and flesh can never find a reason
To breathe in again

He said, 'Come out! Come out from your hiding!
Just as you are
Come out from the dark!'

Even when the dead man's sleeping
Resurrection calls to restore
Even here and now
You are what He's calling for

So take a breath and break the night
Stranger to the light
Wind of God, dig up the graves
Breathe into the slayed

Here for sure, a permanent solution
Swallowed up the night
A voice so pure
Giving bones a reason
To breathe in again

He said, 'Come out! Come out from your hiding!
Just as you are
Come out from the dark!'

Even when the dead man's sleeping
Resurrection calls to restore
Even here and now
You are what He's calling for
So sleep no more!

So take a breath and break the night
Stranger to the light
Wind of God, dig up the graves
Come breathe into the slayed"

__________

Growing up in church, I've heard the story of Lazarus told over and over again, which is not a bad thing. It's an amazing story. Until now, however, I've only ever heard it told in order to magnify Christ's power over circumstance. Pastors, preachers, and ministers use the story to encourage their congregation that if Christ can resurrect Lazarus from the dead, He can surely help you through whatever it is you're going through, which is absolutely true... but that's not all this story is about. One pastor used the story to make the point that Christ Himself was capable of grief, as He grieved over Lazarus' death and was greatly troubled by it. This is also a really good point, as we sometimes need to be reminded that Christ was fully human.

Bellarive tells the story in a way that I had yet to hear in church. I think that the meaning of the song is this:

You are Lazarus.

How many times in your life have you felt spiritually dead? Technically we are all spiritually dead until we accept the gift of life that Christ offers. For me personally, this feeling has almost always been self-inflicted, caused by my own apathy and lukewarmness.

I'll dig my own tomb with my own selfish ambitions, like when I choose to get a little more sleep instead of waking up early to start the day in God's Word, or when I refuse to bless someone because I'd be going out of my own way to do so. Next, I'll mummify myself in an apathetic cocoon, and the tighter I wrap it, the harder it is to escape. Then, exhausted after putting myself in this state to begin with, I'll lie down in the tomb and wait for the strength to dig myself out again.

Spiritually sleeping. That's what I'd call it.

The Bible makes it clear that Jesus was moved and troubled by Lazarus' death. In fact, John 11:35 reads, "Jesus wept." That in and of itself is the entire verse, which to me, speaks louder than any more words could. Whether or not Christ weeps when He comes to our tombs and finds us spiritually asleep, or worse, spiritually dead, I do not know, but I can't imagine Him being anything but heartbroken.

For that reason, and our own weakness, just as Bellarive conveys in their song, only Christ and His pure voice and power can bring us back out of that dead (or sleeping) state. His Resurrection is calling to restore us. He's calling us to come out of the heartache, apathy, doubt, pain, or whatever it is that our tombs are made out of.

One of my favorites lines from the song is, "Just as you are", because I feel like a lot of people (believers or non-believers) get caught up on this: Even though they hear His voice beckoning them to come out, they worry that they're not good enough to do so. But Jesus is calling us to come out of our tombs right then and there, as broken and imperfect as we are. Lazarus himself came out still wrapped up in cloth.

The story of Jesus and Lazarus is so powerful, and I think Bellarive does a great job of capturing some of that power, just in the musicality of their song, lyrics aside. It's not very often that I feel like a song really captures the essence of what it's about, but I think that Bellarive really did it with this one. The music is very... moving.

Next time you read the story of Lazarus, try to insert yourself into the story, right into the tomb, and hear the voice of Christ calling you out, just as He called out Lazarus.

"Even here and now
You are what He's calling for
So sleep no more!"

52 Churches

This is going to be a little more personal than usual, so please bear with me. A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to visit People's Church in Clifton. I was immediately captivated by something I had never really seen much of in a church before; diversity. I ended up visiting People's Church for the next 6 weeks, totally in love with the diversity there. Actually, diversity became a center of my attention outside of church too. I don't really know how to describe it, it was just never far from my mind. I started examining how diverse my environment was, and I'm not just talking about racial or ethnic diversity. I examined my circle of friends. How diverse were we in interests, gifts, and talents? I examined everything that I could, right down to my music playlists. Then one day, I felt a question be placed on my heart:

How diverse are you?

Actually, in a lot of areas in my life, I do consider myself to be diverse. I've lived in different types of neighborhoods, I experienced homeschooling and public schooling, and I've managed to immerse myself in various circles of friends. But there is one area of my life where I haven't been diverse...

Church.

Instantly I felt convicted, and then, a random little thought popped into my head: I should visit some churches. My original idea was to visit ten churches over the course of the summer, but I just wasn't satisfied with that number. It was too small.

So, my new mission is to visit 52 churches over the course in the next year and a half; one for each week of the calendar year. I'm not really looking for a new church to call home, but I am just really eager and interested to see what else (and who else) is in and around my city. Many of my friends have already pointed me in many different directions, and I'm looking forward to them all.

I'll post some updates from my journey as I see called. I'm just really excited.

Suicide: It's not that surprising

Nothing in this post is meant to be insensitive, though some of it might come off a little on the harsher side. If you're reading this, know that this is an issue very close to my heart and has impacted my life on more than one occasion.

Also, if you are having thoughts of suicide, the number for the
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is +1(800) 237-8255.

Suicide has been a popular topic of conversation here in Cincinnati this week. After a week-long search, missing UC student Brogan Dulle was discovered dead in the vacant house right next door to his apartment. The media first reported that he died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, but later corrected themselves, saying that he was found hanging. The coroner confirmed the latter report. No matter the method, his death was ruled a suicide.

Neighbors and loved ones gather outside Brogan Dulle's
apartment after his body was discovered next door.

It really is heartbreaking, not only for Brogan, whose life was tragically cut short, but for his friends and loved ones, whose time with Brogan was also cut short. The entire city seemed to be invested in his disappearance, and while I never knew Brogan personally, I too felt a connection.

The following day two friends and I went to the scene to pray, expecting to still find people there. We found a neighbor sitting outside on his porch and got to talk to him for a while (it was lovely), but other than that, we just saw a lot of people passing by. It was interesting to see how many people in their cars slowed down to look at the house. One man pulled over and just sat and stared at it for a while. To our surprise, there were still news crews hanging around. WLWT's reporter Jackie Congedo came over and talked to us, which was very pleasant. She asked me a couple of questions, which did not end up on the air, but one of her questions in particular really stuck out to me:

"Does it surprise you that someone so young and in his prime would take his own life?"

Something clicked for me in that moment. Rather, it was like something slapped me in the face. I felt angry. Not at Jackie or anyone in particular. Just by the principle.

My response?

"That's the problem."

Everyone is always surprised by a suicide, myself included. But should we be? I went on to explain that the reason people are surprised when a young person resorts to suicide, is because it is assumed that young people are living the dream.

Friendships.
Relationships.
College.
Picking your major.
Changing your major.
Jobs.
Making plans for your future.

Children look forward to the day when they get to jump into all of those things. Adults look back on those days longingly. But how do the young adults feel when they're the ones actually "living the dream"? Let me tell you, we experience that list above very differently...

Friendships Peer pressure and demand.
Relationships Heartbreak.
College Student loans and all-nighters.
Picking your major "Do I really want to do this for the rest of my life?"
Changing your major "Am I making a mistake?"
Jobs Making barely just enough for Ramen Noodles.
Making plans for your future Decisions that will affect your entire life.

Being a young adult is just as much a nightmare as it is a dream. I don't think adults (or even other young adults) quite understand how much pressure we're put through during this time in our lives. Now, I'm not trying to assume that this is true for every young adult out there, and I'm not saying that this is why suicide is such a big deal for young people, but given these factors, it shouldn't be so surprising when suicide does happen. Unfortunately, a lot of young people have additional trials and challenges happening in their lives. Some of them come from broken homes, or are separated from their families entirely. Some young people have young children to care and provide for. Others are facing various addictions. Whether it be pornography or alcohol, addictions still take their toll.

What makes Brogan Dulle's case so peculiar is that there seemed to be no red flags. Some common red flags for suicidal thoughts or behavior are:

• Not wanting to "be a burden".
• Increased anxiety.
• Reckless behavior.
• Sleeping (too much or too little).
• Withdrawal.
• Extreme mood swings.

The even more dangerous red flags include:

• Preoccupation with death.
• Unusual happiness or calmness (seemingly being at peace with everything).
• Loss of interest in hobbies or activities.
• Making unusual arrangements.
• Giving away or selling possessions.

To the human eye, some of these things can go unnoticed. Sometimes loved ones will look back and recall seeing some of these red flags after a loved one has attempted (or died by) suicide. But that does not seem to be the case with Brogan Dulle. The neighbor we spoke to said that Brogan was seemingly one of the happiest people he knew, which is another problem.

Some people are just really good at hiding their personal struggles, especially when outlets like Facebook and Instagram allow us to portray our lives as perfectly as we want to. It's good to be open and honest. It can be unhealthy to be too open and honest, and very unhealthy to not be honest enough. Do you know someone who is strong, happy, and independent? That can be a good thing, but do some investigating. One of my favorite questions to ask is, "How are you... really?" That opens up the door to so much more than, "I'm fine" or any of the other typical answers. Sometimes the strongest, happiest people, are the ones suffering the most on the inside. Two of my own loved ones have killed themselves in the last 4 years, and they both seemed so strong and happy. In fact, I was convinced that one of them was a superhero because of how strong he was. But they were suffering.

One of the questions I have about suicide is, what if it doesn't end your suffering, but rather, ends your chances of ever finding hope? I will never know, but what I do know is this: There is a world of suffering ahead of the loved ones who are left behind, and we need to be sensitive to that.

Don't make jokes about suicide. You never know who you might be hurting... or triggering. Never assume that someone is doing well just because they look fine. Again, "How are you... really?" Keep your personal opinions to yourself. Loved ones are mourning. They don't need your theories or biases to make their world any darker; it's dark enough.

I think that the surprise that follows a suicide is the result of a lack of awareness. It's difficult to be aware of the signs or "red flags" because it's not something people generally think about every day. It's hard to be aware of people's personal demons... but it is far from impossible. I want to encourage everyone reading this to study up on suicide and depression. Also, evaluate your own lives. How much pressure are you under... really? Considering some of these things, should it really be that surprising when a young person does something drastic?

I don't think so.

Don't kick the lamp

Romans 7:14-15 "For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate."

I was inspired this morning by one of the most honest and authentic interviews I've seen in a long time. Tyler Joseph of the band twenty one pilots sat down and talked to FaceCulture about being weird, finding joy and inner peace, finding purpose, and being messed up human beings. The whole interview is worth watching. If you want to see it in its entirety you can check out PART ONE and PART TWO. In the meantime, I wanted to focus on what was said towards the very end of the interview:

"If I were to take how it is I treat people around me in the same way that I treat a social setting, that means I would stand up right now and I would kick that lamp over... because there's something wrong."

This issue has been on my heart for a while now. Why do people treat others so poorly even when they don't want to?

Why do I have to raise my voice when I'm angry instead of maintaining a calm tone? How do I lose control of my mouth and say something sarcastic just to get back at someone, instead of dealing with the situation like a mature adult?

One example in particular comes to mind. Saturdays are notoriously busy and chaotic in the fast food world, and Chick-fil-A is no exception (because everyone has to get their fill before Sunday, I guess). There was one Saturday in particular not too long ago that was abnormally chaotic. In addition to being in the middle of lunch rush, there was a spill in the dining room, a guest ordered an item off the catering menu without calling ahead and was demanding to know why it wasn't ready yet, there was a birthday party going on and the kids were ready for dessert, and to top it all off, we were short-staffed. The phone was probably ringing too. I was the shift supervisor at the time so it was my responsibility to maintain control of the various situations, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it...

... until I lost control of myself.

One of my coworkers came to me and very sweetly asked if she could perform a specific task to help things move along more smoothly. For reasons I still don't understand, I stopped what I was doing, slammed my hands down on the counter, and snapped at her to leave me alone until things calmed down. 

The truth is, nothing was going to calm down until I calmed down, and I didn't even know I was worked up until that moment of weakness. By the look on her face I could tell that my coworker was taken aback and probably offended by my response. Honestly, I was probably just as taken aback and offended as she was. We both knew that this was uncharacteristic for me.

You know that saying, "It was the straw that broke the camel's back". Well, my back broke, and it was the tiniest piece of straw that broke it.

I kicked the lamp.

When was the last time you kicked a lamp? Not literally (and I won't judge you if you have literally kicked over a lamp), but figuratively. Do you hear yourself calling someone a name before you even realize you thought of the name in the first place? Does a preconceived notion of someone ever cause you to shoot them a dirty look? When was the last time you yelled at your parents or a sibling?

Let me tell you, I've kicked over many lamps in my day. I just can't figure out why.

Tyler Joseph seems to be on the right track. I am sitting across from a lamp even now as I write this, just like he was in the interview, and I know that I'm not supposed to go and kick it over.

I know I'm not supposed to do a lot of things:

• Dishonor my parents. (Ephesians 6:1)
• Lie. (Exodus 20:16)
• Act (or speak) out in anger. (Proverbs 29:11)
• Be selfish. (Philippians 2:3)
• Judge others. (Matthew 7:1)
  

Sometimes I feel like I'm just fooling myself. I tell myself that I don't want to do any of these things, and yet I find myself doing them on a regular basis. I think that Paul, Tyler, and I are always going to struggle with bewilderment because of all this. Something in our human condition is broken. 

Tyler says, "... the way that we live is proof that there's an element there that's just not right."

As much as I want to make it right, I know that I can't, but I am going to use all of this and Tyler's comparison as a reminder to myself to keep myself under control, and to treat people with love and respect as often as I can. When I feel myself getting angry or frustrated, or if I start to lose control, I'm just going to have to remind myself, don't kick the lamp...

I think some of Tyler Joseph's own lyrics offer an explanation for our problem:

"We're broken

We're broken

We're broken

We're broken people

We're broken people"

That we are, Tyler. That we are.

This one's for the boys (and the girls, but mostly for the boys)

This one will be brief, but this is an issue that has been bothering my heart for a while. Every time I get on Facebook I see one or twelve links to articles with titles that go something like:

Why Getting Married In College Was The BEST Decision I've Ever Made
My Spouse Is Not My Soul Mate
My Spouse IS My Soul Mate
40 Signs That You're Dating Your Future Spouse
400 Signs That You're Dating The Wrong Person
Tips For Dating The Right Guy
Tips For Dating The Right Girl

I'm not trying to bash these posts, but I do have to wonder why there are so many of them out there all of a sudden. There just seems to be a bit of a surplus, in my opinion.

With all that said, I'm going to post one of my own... sort of.

Another trend I've noticed is that many of these posts usually result in a conversation about how women are being objectified by modern society. I mean, seriously. Have you heard of the new "thigh gap" craze? Women (especially models) are now under pressure to make sure that their thighs don't touch. Ridiculous, right? It's true. Women are held up to unrealistic standards. They are expected to have the perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect eye color, perfect lips, perfect breasts, perfect waist, perfect clothes... even perfect personalities. These expectations unconsciously come from what is put in front of us. Society says that in order to be a successful woman, you have to look like Jennifer Lawrence or something.

Is it unrealistic? Yes. Is it fair? Of course not.

Is it a one-way street? No. That is my main concern.

Aren't men being held up to an unrealistic expectation too? Women aren't the only ones who are being objectified by the media and pop culture. Almost every man you see on TV or on the front cover of a magazine has good hair, attractive 5 o'clock shadow (which I thought was an oxymoron), sharp clothes, big muscles, and an expression that says, "I've got it all together".

I'm starting to wonder whether or not this gives girls an unrealistic idea of what to look for in a partner. Oh, I also can't help but wonder why the different posts and articles that advocate for realistic dating/marriages always have a picture of the unrealistic-looking airbrushed men and women described above somewhere in the post.

I'm not trying to say that I'm against celebrities or models or anything like that. I just don't think it's fair to the rest of the world for us to expect our future (or current, or maybe even past) husbands and wives to be like them. And a lot of them probably are really good, hardworking people. Unfortunately, that's not the side we get to see.

My main concern is that there aren't more conversations happening about men being objectified and held up to unrealistic standards, because they really are, and it's really sad. Guys, seriously... you deserve be loved, cared for, and respected. I just want to encourage you to live up to the standard God has given you, not the one society tries to spoon feed us. You should not be compared to Brad Pitt, or whoever the current sexiest man on earth is. Sexiness does not equal respect, and respect is what you deserve, so seek that and everything else God has for you.

My secondary concern is that all of these expectations are setting up our dating relationships and marriages for failure. If we see what society and the media deems as perfection all day every day, how are we supposed to learn to love our imperfect partners?

Quite frankly, I would rather have my marriage look more like this than anything that gets depicted in the magazines:

Have you ever seen this on the cover of a marriage magazine?

I haven't, but maybe we should have...

An open letter to Cincinnati Christian University

I'm all for writing letters. I think it's a lost art. As my time as an undergraduate student of Cincinnati Christian University is quickly coming to its end, I've felt convicted to write a letter to the school, but haven't been able to figure out exactly who to address it to. After all, a college is more than its President, its student body, its faculty, its supporters, or its janitors. So today I decided to simply write an open letter on here. I hope it encourages you.


Sometimes in order to fully appreciate what Cincinnati Christian University has given me, I have to go back and remember how I got here in the first place. I'm a first-generation college student. I knew early on in high school that I wanted to earn a college education someday, but as time went on I began to realize that with my financial situation... a college education was going to be impossible. Thankfully, my hope is built in something, or rather, Someone bigger than my financial situation.

Spoiler alert: Even the word impossible boasts, "I'm possible."

Circumstances went south my junior year of high school. Way south. Things began looking up finally when my mother accepted a job position at the University of Cincinnati, which after 2 years, would have offered me tuition remission. At the time I felt called to study music education so this seemed perfect. I thought that surely this was God providing a way for me to go to college. Well, not too long after, UC took a big hit from the economic crisis and my mother's job position was terminated as a result.

I tried to remain hopeful. Senior year rolled around and I was in a new school. I attended an informational meeting hosted by Berea College just because it was something to do. I asked a question (can't even remember what the question was) and left. About a week or so later my guidance counselor randomly called me down to his office to tell me that someone from Berea wanted to speak with me. They wanted to invite into a scholarship program. A scholarship program. This was it. I just knew it. I went to every interview, turned in every application, and wrote every essay. This was the chance God was giving me and I had to do everything I could to take it.

Two weeks later I received a letter in the mail. A rejection letter. It hurt, a lot.

This was when I lost hope. I stopped turning in homework, I stopped studying for tests... I pretty much gave up everything. But there was one thing I gave up that I think ultimately lead to where I am today. One day I was pacing around my house worrying myself sick over the fact that I wasn't going to go to college. Then, out of nowhere, I just stopped in my tracks and said, "God, take this." I don't even know why I said it. It just sort of happened.

I gave up control.

One evening my youth pastor came to me and asked if I ever considered going to Cincinnati Christian University. Actually, I had never even heard of it. He gave me an application for something called the Charles and Penny Faust Urban Scholars Program, a program that offers a full scholarship to first-generation Christian leaders who otherwise would have no way of affording a college education. I didn't have anything to lose at that point so I went ahead and filled it out and turned it in. Next thing I knew, I was asked to come in for an interview. It was my first time being on campus. Something about it was strikingly beautiful to me. I don't know if it was the color of the roof on the Chapel, the view of the city, or something else. It was just beautiful.

The interview went well and I was feeling somewhat hopeful again. Maybe this was where God wanted me to be. I was granted acceptance into the school, so that was a plus. At least I was accepted somewhere. The scary part was that if I didn't get into the scholarship program, I would then have to be the one to reject CCU. Funny how life turns the tables on you sometimes.

One afternoon, around 4 o'clock, the phone rang. It was CCU. When I answered the phone, my heart was sinking.

When I hung up, I was officially an Urban Scholar and a student of Cincinnati Christian University.

The next several months were like a whirlwind, but a good one. On the very first day of orientation I met 3 people who I now and forever will hold in my heart as some of the dearest friends in my life. In fact, one day I was out with them running errands to who knows where when suddenly I thought to myself, "I am happy." The thought itself caught me off guard. I couldn't remember the last time I had honestly been able to say that.

So here I am today, a once hopeless, broken down high school student with only a dream turned soon-to-be college graduate. If my last 23 credit hours don't kill me, I'll have a college degree in 82 days.

None of this would have been possible if CCU had not been willing to take a chance and invest something in me. The truth is that CCU is investing in us each and every single day. The professors aren't here to stand up and lecture, get paid and then go home. They've spent their entire lives gaining knowledge and wisdom in the fields that they love and are now pouring that knowledge and wisdom into us. Too often I hear about how certain professors are out to get certain students because they critique their papers too harshly. Every time I see a stroke of red ink on a paper, I am overwhelmed by the thought that someone who could be exploring the land of Israel, or writing the history textbook they've felt called to write for years and years, is taking the time to help me reach my own dreams and goals. It has been said that a coach will be hardest on their star athlete. Likewise, our professors care about us too much to not help us reach our fullest potential. So maybe next time you see red ink on your paper, consider it as a mark of care and concern instead of a mark of punishment or disapproval.

The faculty and staff at CCU care about us so much. The fact that our former President built his house on our campus and spends his lunch hours eating with the students, asking about their day, and showing us by example how to live out our Christian walks day in and day out is just mind boggling to me. Our new President has spent his first days of office personally asking students what they want him to do for them. The professors are with us when we marry our spouses and again when we lay our loved ones to rest. They step out of the role of educator and into the role of friend, and let me tell you... that is an unpaid position.

And if that wasn't enough, CCU provides us with daily opportunities to draw closer to God, the single most important thing we can possibly do. Chapel is amazing. I often wonder how God feels knowing that on a hilltop in Cincinnati, there are hundreds of people gathered to worship His name early on Tuesday mornings. We are given a prayer room for the times that we just have to get away and be with no one else but the Lord. We are held to a higher standard than many other colleges as far as our conduct is concerned, but that standard is there to ensure that we are respected as Christian brothers and sisters and so that the Holy Spirit might shine through us in the way that we live, both on and off campus. That is care. CCU cares about how many times you attend a corporate worship services because the Bible stresses how important it is, and so multiple opportunities are given to us to do so. CCU cares about your prayer life and your alone time with God because that's how you are going to be fed spiritually, and therefore, they provide us with a space to do that.

Maybe this is more of a letter about CCU than it is to CCU. I just can't think of a better place for me to draw closer to God, make friendships and memories, and to learn about the world around me, and I wanted to share my thoughts and appreciation for this school before my time here comes to an end. Though, in all honesty, I hope that somehow, someway, my future will be related to CCU, whether directly or indirectly. The Lord has blessed me so much through this place. I cannot imagine where my life would be without Cincinnati Christian University.

Thank you, CCU.

Aslan the Lion

I had the pleasure of watching The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader with one of my darling roommates last night. As it was with the first two movies, my favorite part was when Aslan appeared. To say that lions are my favorite animal is an understatement. I'm kind of obsessed, and Aslan is no ordinary lion.

He always manages to say something that gets me thinking, but something happened during this movie that literally sent shivers down my spine. Near the end of the movie, Aslan is sending Edmund and Lucy Pevensie, along with their cousin Eustace, back to their world, and informs Edmund and Lucy that they have learned all they could from Narnia, and therefore would not be returning. I was only halfway paying attention when all of this was going on because I was thinking about how amazing it would be to have that kind of a loving, face-to-face relationship with the Lord. I was also entertaining the thought of having a pet lion, but I digress.

Anyway! Troubled by what Aslan was telling her, Lucy asked, "Will you come and visit us in our world?" Aslan replied, "I will be watching you always." Confused, Lucy asked a simple, "How?" Then Aslan responded with this,

"In your world, I have another name. You must learn to know me by it."

In that moment I felt so convicted. There I was, sitting on my couch wishing that I could have as close of a relationship with God as Lucy did with Aslan. Meanwhile, I knew deep down that God is longing to have an even closer one. The truth is that I am the one holding it back.

In the second movie, Price Caspian, Aslan and Lucy are once again talking after the older Pevensie children had gone off to war. The older children had begun to lose hope that Aslan would come to their aid, and therefore began to take matters into their own hands instead of waiting for his guidance. Meanwhile, Lucy claimed to have seen Aslan, but her siblings did not believe her. When she finally finds him, she exclaims, "I knew it was you. The whole time I knew it, but the others didn't believe me." Aslan then asks, "Why would that stop you from coming to me?" The next shot shows Lucy sitting on the ground with the mighty lion directly in front of her. They are having an intimate, face-to-face conversation.

This also convicts me. I put way more effort into wanting a closer relationship with God than I do pursuing it.





We all have things that hold us back from pursuing God intimately. I want to encourage you with this: Whatever it may be, challenge it, and ask yourself why it keeps you from God. Or imagine God asking you the same question that Aslan asked Lucy if you have to.

I'm busy.
"Why would that stop you from coming to me?"
I'm tired.
"Why would that stop you from coming to me?"
I have to finish this assignment.
"Why would that stop you from coming to me?"
I've had a bad day.
"Why would that stop you from coming to me?"

If you want to have a sit-down talk with God, then sit down and talk to Him. Don't give God excuses. Tell Him what you're so busy with and pray for peace. Tell Him why you're so tired, and ask for the strength to carry on. Tell Him about that assignment and ask for His guidance. Tell Him why your day was so bad. He wants to know.

How amazing is it to know that God Almighty loves us and wants to have an intimate relationship with us? It's really neat to imagine having a face-to-face conversation with God in the form of a lion, but we have a better opportunity even still. We can have a face-to-face conversation with the God who created the form of the lion, and for some reason still finds us even more beautiful than it.

Introduction

Come closer
Come into this
Come closer

What beautiful battlefields you are
You are quite the beauty
If no one has ever told you that before
Know that right now
You are quite the beauty
There is joy in how your mouth dances with your teeth
Your smile is simply a sign of how sacred your life actually is
So come into it
Come closer

Know that whatever God prays to
He asked Him to make something of worth
He awoke from His dream 
Scraped soil from the spaces inside Himself
He made you, and was happy
You make the Lord happy
Come into this
Come closer

Know that something softer than us
But just as holy
Planted pieces of Himself into our feet
That we might one day dance our way back home
Know that you are almost there
Come just a little bit closer

There are birds beating their wings beneath your breastplates
Gentle sparrows who are aching to sing
Come aching hearts
Come soldiers of joy
Doormen of truth
Know that my heart was too big for my body
So I let it go
And most days this world has thinned me
To the point where I am just another cloud 
Forgetting another flock of swans
But believe me when I tell you that my soul has managed 
To squeeze itself into such narrow spaces
Place your hand beneath your head when you sleep tonight
And you may find it there
Making beauty as we sleep
As we dream
As we turn over
When we turn over in the ground
May the ghost that we have asked answers of do that turning
Kneading us into crumbs of light 
Into this thing of love called life
Come into it
Come closer

Come you wooden museums 
Gentle tigers
Little giants
I see teacups upside down
Glowing in your smiles
Your hearts are like my hands
Some days all they do is tremble
I am like you
I too at times am filled with so much fear
But like a hallway must find the strength to walk through it
Walk through this with me
Through this church of blood, bone, and muscle that is ours
There is a doorknob glowing like chance before you
Grab it, turn, pull, and let it swing open
Step through
Back straight
Chin up
Eyes open
Hearts loud
Walk through this with me - "Come Closer" by Anis Mojgani

~ ~ ~ ~

If you've never heard this beautiful spoken word poem before, I highly suggest looking it up on YouTube.

So, this is my blog! The name was inspired by the poem above and by 1 Timothy 6:12, in which we are boldly commanded to, "Fight the good fight of faith." The purpose of this blog is to encourage you to do just that.

We are all beautiful battlefields. We are all fighting this good fight, but we do not have to do it alone.

Walk through this with me.